hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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