I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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