OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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