It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
