Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
