so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
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You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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