i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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