Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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