Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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