the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
