My sheets look like a crime scene.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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