there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
