He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
