No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
