Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize