I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
