I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
