Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
