you have to choose: penises or morals?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
