Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Girls should come with a carfax report
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
