There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
