Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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