make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
