Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
