I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize