so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
no. you can't hotbox the world.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
