Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Found the puke drawer
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
