Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
