Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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