Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
