i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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