last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
