i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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