Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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