Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
