I want to walk on stilts...naked
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
