I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
