I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
