So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
