I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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