My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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