so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
