Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
