every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
