I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
