He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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