Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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