3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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