So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
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we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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