omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
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Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
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Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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