she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is the high leading the old right now
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
