I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
