even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Randomize
