i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
