Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
