And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
