can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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