Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
