My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
