So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
