I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
