She just used a chaser for red wine.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
