guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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