dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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