Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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