38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
