Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
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That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You are the jesus of drinking
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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