No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
