I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize