Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
