Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
