we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
