i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
as a side note pls kill me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
