we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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