i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
