5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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