my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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