why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
