Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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