I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize