there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
