I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
