He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
