Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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