I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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