How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
