I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
