So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
