I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
