I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
