Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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